Monday, October 12, 2009

I'm still here...

Wow. Has it really been since February since I've posted? How neglectful I've been. So sorry. :)

Lauren and I "ran" in our first race together in March. It was a 1 mile fun walk, but she ran most of the way. I'm so happy to share my love of running with her. Geeze, I'm happy to share anything with her. :)

I photographed my first wedding in April. It was for a dear friend of mine. I was so honored to have the privilege. Everything turned out well and a good time was had by all.

In May I turned 35. How did I let this happen?!?! I was surprised how much I missed my mom on MY birthday. She would always send me several cards in the mail (even though she lived only 3 miles from me), and she would make me a special BD dinner and a cake. Also that month I started going to a Grief Share group at a local church. I was still feeling the deep emotional pain of losing my mom. At times it really did feel like I had a gaping hole in my chest. I was also very angry. I knew I needed to work through the pain, the anger and the guilt. I learned that grief is a process you have to go through. You have to live it, experience it. Let it be part of your life. I hated that. I wanted to get through as fast as I could. I didn't sign up for this, I thought to myself. In addition to the reassurance that a lot of my feelings were normal, the group was based on having a relationship with Christ. To allow Him to heal me. To allow Him to change me into the person I'm meant to be. I can now be happy that my mom is no longer suffering....that she is at peace in Heaven.

In June we had a flash flood in the area. We had 2 feet of water in our basement. And our well got contaminated with e-coli. Needless to say I was freaking out. Our loss in the flood was minimal compared to others. We were able to clean out well with good old bleach (go figure). And thank God none of us got sick. My wonderful husband felt it in our best interest to tap into the public water system. It took about a month for it all to be completed, but I gotta say I LOVE MY CITY WATER!!! :)

In July our baby girl turned 4. We had a nice little family gathering at Grandma & PapPap's. I'm so blessed to have wonderful in-laws who adore Lauren.

Lauren started Preschool in September. She loves it. I was a little sad the first week. I missed my Peanut, but I've adjusted quickly and now I love it too. ;)

Well, I guess that brings us to now. I'm enjoying the fall. Trying to appreciate each day as it is.

Carry on.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Seasons of change

We donated Lauren's crib this weekend. And since the toddler bed uses a crib mattress, we had to scramble to get something for her to sleep on. We ended up getting a cute, little twin bed for her. She looks so tiny in it. It's hard to imagine this will be the bed that someday she'll lay on to write in her diary, cry over boys and fights with friends and chat on the phone. This is her "big girl" bed.
I'm getting kinda discouraged with my half marathon training. I'm about a week behind, and I should only be starting week three. Our weather has been less than cooperative. I don't really mind the cold. It's the snow and ice that make running outside difficult. Today the weather is awesome.....sunny and in the 40's. I went out to do 3 miles. Today was supposed to be 4, but I haven't ran all week. Funny thing happened as I was running. My left foot was falling asleep WHILE running. When I stopped to walk it would start to feel normal again. I loosened my shoe lace to no avail. My only thought is that my calve muscles have been really tight, and that must be doing something. My plan is to do yoga on my non-running days to loosen things up. It's a start, I guess.
Carry on.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Snow, rain, ice, snow...repeat

I really try not to complain about the weather. It is what it is. But I'm really sick of it now. At least I don't have to be anywhere today. So I can stay home with my girl. Of course being at home all day with a 3 year old has it's challenges. For example, we just had a knock-down-drag-out over her sass mouth. I really need to keep some wine in the house.

I've been feeling down the past few days. Really missing my mom. But feeling guilty about it at the same time. Like it's totally selfish of me to wish her here, when she is completely healed and rejoicing in heaven. I feel like I go one step forward, two steps back with this whole grieving process. I've definitely progressed, but no where near acceptance. This whole process is hard for a control-freak like myself. I wonder if they have a "Grieving for Dummies" book. That would rock. I hope I'm not coming across insensitive for disrespectful. Sometimes a matter-of-fact mood helps me deal.

I'm wondering if I'll being able to run today. I don't want to lose the momentum from last week. Fortunately, this early in training I'll be able to make it up.

Well, I'm off to prepare a groumet lunch of chicken nuggets and green beans for my lovely daughter.

Carry on.

Monday, January 19, 2009


I spilled a good bit of sugar on the kitchen floor yesterday, and let my dog "clean" it up.

Ahhh, confession is good for the soul.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Why I run

I realized today, I run mostly for my sanity. To release the pent up anxiety I may or may not create for myself.

I feel awesome about myself after a run. I have that "I'm a tough-chick, don't mess with me" attitude.

I want to be a role model for my daughter. Not only that exercise is an awesome habit to have, but sometimes it's a necessity. And when she has a family of her own, I want her to believe that she is worth the effort it takes to get out there. That she'll be a better wife and mother, if she takes the time to take care of herself. Women have a habit of taking care of everybody but themselves. It's not a flaw. It's just that we forget that it's vital to our existence to take some time to care for ourselves. After my mom had passed away, a very good friend of mine invited me to stay at her house for the weekend. She said, "sometimes only a woman can take care of another women the way she needs". Amen, sister.

Ok, back to running.......

I went for a run today in the snow. It was only a mile long, but it was wonderful. Quiet, pretty, solitude. It was like a hot cup of tea for my soul.

Carry on.